The Swan

It was UEFA Champions League final night so, given the fact that there was a possibility that we may have a beer or two, it was vital that we lined our stomachs first. As we were half board we decided to fill our boots at the hotel's evening buffet, so much so that it prompted the elderly woman on the next table to remark rather loudly to her partner, 'They've been up three times' !! A technical oversight on her part as in my case it was actually four !!

Bonanza Square is an area of bars and restaurants situated at the back of our hotel, in the main the bars are geared towards the British crowd so we pitched up outside The Swan..

Unsurprisingly I was a bit full after all my food and intended to start on the ungassy Coronita however the barman had none in stock so I joined Shelley on the Stowford Press cider, it must have been strong stuff as almost instantly a palm tree starting growing out of the top of my head..

After having our first couple outside whilst watching Jonny Wilkinson roll back the years and kick French side Toulon to Heineken Cup glory against Saracens we moved indoors for the main event, mindful that my language didn't get too industrial and contravene the bar's policy..

The first half was a bit tame and Shelley's prediction of a 4 1 win to Real Madrid seemed way off the mark.

Benalmadena is a lovely resort with some fabulous views however my time there was blighted by two sights that were unnecessary and wholly inappropriate. Firstly, earlier that day when we were having our full English breakfast, an ageing gentleman stood vaping in the restaurant doorway dressed in a pair of tight budgie smugglers. It was almost enough to put me off my shrivelled sausage !! The second sight was even more distressing, during the second half of the match a bloke walked in wearing a v*lla shirt !! Yuk !!!!

Shelley mentioned the impact of Real Madrid second half substitute Marcelo long before the so called experts did, and amazingly, after a late Real equaliser and a deluge of goals in extra time, her 4 1 prediction came true. Ronaldo whipped off his shirt in celebration. Unfortunately a woman in the bar didn't share his joy, but for the late equaliser her boyfriend, watching back at home in Ireland, would have won €102,000 in an accumulator bet !! D'oh !!

Champions

Seeing as it was the eve of the UEFA Champions League final where better to end the night than Champions, a bar situated near to our hotel?

We'd been to this bar during our previous visit to Benalmadena when we were entertained by the then owner, the nephew of the legendary Hungarian footballer Puscas.

Despite the change of ownership very little had changed in the pub's appearance, my pint of San Miguel was fairly uninspiring (how I longed for a pint of proper beer) and Shelley's wine was definitely more red than rose.

Whilst I'm on the subject of colouring I have no idea what has happened to my face on the photo below. I look more orange than Dale Winton..

The music was a bit odd as the video screen did not match the audio selection so we were treated to Cee Lo Green and Cher apparently singing along to the hits of Status Quo.

We called it a day just after midnight. I needed to make sure that I was match fit for the next day's final.

Saints & Sinners

We returned to Plaza de Ole and visited our third bar in that location namely Saints and Sinners. It followed the standard format, plastic tables and white plastic chairs (the sort normally thrown by England football fans during major tournaments) outside the venue and, even though the surrounding hotels created a man made windbreak, our jumpers went on almost immediately.

We were well looked after by our attentive barmaid, there were free crisps with our drinks (a glass of wine for the lady and a pint of Alhambra for yours truly), we were provided with cushions, and she kindly offered to take a photo of the two of us in our matching black knitwear..

True to form the sandal and sock wearing accordion player that we always seemed to bump into soon made an appearance and once again he received nothing from us for his trouble. I'm still gutted that I gave him seventeen cents the first time we ran into him !!

Round two saw a change of drinks from me, the Alhambra had no redeeming features bar the fact that it was wet so I opted for the much more reliable bottle of Coronita.

A middle aged couple made their way home from a neighbouring bar and it soon became obvious that they'd been sat outside there most of the day. There was a fabulous sense of irony that Johnny Cash's Walk The Line was playing as they left seeing as they were both unable to proceed in a straight one.

Mombasa Café

Next bar on our visit to Spain was due to be La Jabega, a beach bar in Torremolinos, but what started off with the intention of being a few beers sat at the bar with a bit of tapas altered when we were ushered into the more formal dining area so, noting the fact that the blog is strictly speaking about pubs and bars, I discounted it, so the enclosed couple of snaps are for info only..

 

 

Our first real bar that night was the Mombasa Café, a bar located in Benalmadena's marina area which was quite a trendy establishment. We had noticed the bar during our walk into Torremolinos earlier that day and the fact that it was Happy Hour when we arrived was an unexpected bonus.

I was on the Coronitas and Shelley stuck to rose wine.

We opted for a spot of alfresco drinking...

We were entertained by the spectacle of watching the bar's PR team ply their trade.

One was a larger than life southern wide boy, after observing his confident chirpy manner attempting to get passing punters into the bar it was no surprise to hear that he hailed from Romford in Essex !!

His partner in crime was a northerner whose chatty manner seemed to imply that it wasn't just life that he was high on. It was like we were witnessing a real life version of the Jeremy Kyle show as he informed us that he was father to children of 18 months and 11 weeks to a mother that he no longer loved and who he was hoping would soon return back to the UK. This claim was supported when he took a call from his new young Norwegian girlfriend inviting him back to her place that night to 'collect his shoes' !! Nudge, nudge, wink, wink !!

If ever there was a place that personified the Costa Del Crime reputation that the area has it was the Mombasa Café. After telling us, in some detail, of a thirty hour LSD trip that he'd recently experienced Northern Man greeted a well dressed middle aged gentleman and in hushed tones informed him that if he came to see him later then he'd 'sort him out' !!

The bar staff had all got the gift of the gab, this was particularly true when one individual informed Shelley that she should 'tell her Dad that she wants another drink' !! The cheek of it !!

Decs Irish Bar

Wherever you are in the world you are never more than a hundred metres away from an Irish bar and the world famous marina in Benalmadena is no exception.

Decs was a fairly small, well stocked establishment which was decked (no pun intended) out like most Irish bars. I ordered the mandatory pint of Guinness..

We had been in Benalmadena for around four days and with temperatures hovering around the twenty five degree mark for most of our stay I was quite impressed with our colouring. I was a bit despondent therefore when the barmaid asked us 'Have you just got here'?!

Two English girls entered the bar and asked the question, 'Do you sell non alcoholic cocktails'? The one girl was delighted to discover that they did. Had I got that response to the same question I'd have probably turned around and walked straight out. Why would I want to drink in that type of bar?!!

Kaleido Skopio

We found the Spanish equivalent of former Birmingham city centre favourite Kaleidoscope with a bar in Benalmadena Marina called Kaleido Skopio.

The bar, owned by actor Antonio Banderas, was a lovely, bright, airy, open venue and contained several different bars, a normal bar, a cocktail bar, a wine bar and a champagne bar. So rather than risk choosing the wrong bar we ordered our Coronas from a waiter at our table, he returned with dos Coronitas plus uno bowl of nuts.

 

 

The bar was a bit of a rarity these days in as much that the music came directly from a video jukebox, and pretty good it was too. The Cult started off proceedings and I was half tempted to treat Shelley to my best Axl Rose impression when Guns 'n' Roses came on.

We left to the strains of Robert Nesta Marley's Could You Be Loved. I was that impressed when I heard that classic that I felt like tracking down the Looky Looky Man selling prints of the reggae legend in Wheel Tapas & Punters the previous evening !!

Jacks

We decided to start Thursday night off with a few beers at the fabulous Benalmadena Marina. We had been given a couple of recommendations for the best bar in that area, our mate Andy (who I know from both Blues and Warwickshire) told us of a bar called Jacks, whereas we saw a promotional leaflet telling us that The Ice Bar is the 'coolest place in Spain' according to Kerry Katona......we followed Andy's advice !!

Jacks is an American brasserie and we were lucky enough to bag a front table on the upstairs terrace which offered us ringside seats to a great view overlooking the marina. A marina which in 2013 was given the title of being the best marina in the world.

Naturally such a setting comes at a price but my bottle of Corona (Coronita in Spain) was €3.95 so nothing too ridiculous.

Though we used Jacks as a bar it is primarily an eating venue and I thought that the waitress with a name tag indicating that her name was Trainee showed tremendous restraint when taking an order from a fussy woman sat by us. She wanted to know the exact ingredients of the sauce that accompanied the chicken and then made a diva like demand that her apple juice was served at room temperature and not chilled. It was like being back stage at a Maria Carey concert !!

I wanted to ask for my lime to be inserted exactly one and a half centimetres into my bottle of Corona when I ordered bottle number two !!

Wheel Tapas & Punters

The effects of five consecutive nights drinking copious amounts of alcohol finally caught up with me so rather than the planned trip to Benalmadena marina we decided to stop local and have a much more subdued early night.

The fabulously named Wheel Tapas & Punters bar was a roadside venue near to our hotel and we could just make out the sea from our seats at the front of the small bar.

Our first round of drinks was quickly despatched, me on the San Miguel with Shelley on the Strongbow with a plate of crisps as the tapas style accompaniment.

 

 

Just like the previous night the Looky Looky Men were out in full force and surprisingly they were more of an amusement than an annoyance. Amazingly we were visited by ten different Looky Looky Men as well as a blind beggar and a bloke selling earrings who referred to himself as the Lord of the Earrings !!

One unwelcome visitor was the busker with the accordion who we'd had the misfortune to hear the previous night. Once again he had made the fashion faux pas of sandals with socks but unlike the previous night I did not part with seventeen cents (or any other sum of money for that matter) for his act.

I managed to last until 10.30 before my jumper went on and then I felt the urge to adopt a pose in homage to the first part of the pub's name..

Although we were in good humour the same could not be said of the couple on the adjacent table. They barely spoke and he never cracked his face, it would be churlish of me to put the reason for the misery down to the fact that they were German.

The night's pace from a drink perspective was much more respectable than the previous night booze fest and amazingly I kept my word that the night would be a gentler, early one with that night's nightcap being a Baileys...

..and a complimentary peach schnapps in a miniscule glass..

The Number One Bar

The Number One Bar, situated just off the main road from Malaga to Fuengirola, provided us with the shelter that we required from the Benalmadena breeze. There was no way that the jumper was coming off even though I was unsure whether the look of black jumper and camouflaged shorts was a good one...

Rather than the standard San Miguel/Estrella choice I was served Alhambra as the house beer which was cold and gassy so it did the job well with Shelley sticking to her choice of drink for the night, rose wine.

The silence in the bar (populated mainly by Scots) was broken by a Sounds of the 70's cd and my tiger feet were tapping along to Sweet. Once again there was an endless stream of Looky Looky Men with goods that were apparently as cheap as chips. The goods tended to be watches, sunglasses and jewellery but bizarrely one individual came in selling prints with a strange mixture of topics in his collection of around twenty, he gave up after showing us a view of a mountain, a ballerina and Bob Marley.

Benedicts

Next door to Bar Ole, the bar we had frequented the previous evening, is the popular bar Benedicts. We received a warm welcome from the owner Norman, well I think it was a warm welcome, his Belfast accent was that strong that I could barely understand him and I am unsure of the correct response to the question, what about yee?!

It was a real home from home, we were served drinks (pint of Estrella and a glass of rose wine)..

..by a woman from Hopwas (the scene of my recent victorious performance for Tamworth cricket club 4th XI) and then got talking to a couple from Streetly in Sutton Coldfield. The Rynair flight from East Midlands to Malaga is obviously a popular one.

Plaza de Ole, where Benedicts is situated, is quite an exposed area but I resisted the temptation to slip on a jumper for as long as possible finally succumbing at 10.20 due to the Benalmadena wind picking up meaning that our free tapas of crisps was in serious danger of blowing away.

We were entertained by an endless stream of Looky Looky Men selling their wares each with variations of British catchphrases with Asda price, cheap as chips, luvly jubbly and by one, get one free being the most popular.

We loved the bar but after stopping for another couple of drinks decided that it was time for a move indoors.

Palm 5

After dragging Shelley up and down the back streets behind our hotel in an unsuccessful hunt for the Benalmadena pub that sells real ale we made our way to the seafront and ended up in Palm 5.

Palm 5 gets its name from the fact that there is a cluster of five palm trees between the pub and the sea making for a very impressive view. The pub is set back from the promenade meaning that if you get seats at the front of the pub like we did you are able to look out to sea and people watch as holiday makers stroll up and down the promenade.

My pint of San Miguel was only €1.95 but wasn't the best and soon was as flat as an Indian test match wicket.

A busker turned up outside the pub with an accordion dressed, unforgivably, in sandals with socks and began 'entertaining' us with a standard Spanish repertoire of tunes like Y Viva Espana. Even though I only gave him seventeen cents when he came round for donations I felt that I'd been over generous. It was a good job he wasn't on performance related pay !!

A violinist turned up a few minutes later and the first few bars of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On was the cue for us to say adios to Palm 5.

Mullarkey's

Mullarkey's is a new addition to the Benalmadena bar scene and what an addition it is. It must have cost a fortune to set up, it is effectively two rooms and is very much in the style of an O'Neills bar, i.e. decked out in oak and full of bric a brac.

I had a pint of Guinness which at €4.50 was as much as I'd paid for a drink during our stay but it was passable for a drink that has a reputation for being a worse traveller than Dennis Bergkamp !!

Shelley stuck to the wine but wasn't overly impressed due to the fact that the shiraz that she'd been drinking earlier in Bar Ole was that good.

There is an emphasis on live music in Mullarkey's, and there was a band playing during our stay who in all honesty weren't too bad. They performed standard Irish classics like Dirty Old Town but these were interspersed with some less traditional numbers with Born To Be Wild being the pick of the set.

I'd got a taste for the black stuff by this stage and one for the road soon became three for the road.

I was quite proud of my end to the night, I managed to avoid the kebab shop and enter our hotel room without the assistance of a security guard. A feat I hadn't managed the night before !!

UPDATE 20th May

I mentioned in the prologue to this blog that there may be times when I struggle to remember information to put in my posts due to the effect of alcohol, our return visit to Mullarkey's is one such occasion.

I take full responsibility for this impromptu visit as we were on our way home from The Number One Bar when I suggested a night cap in Mullarkey's which is at the bottom of the hill where our hotel was situated.

I will state the facts as I remember them : I was on Guinness, a dreadful rockabilly band were performing, the barmaid was easy on the eye, the barman was impressed that I recognised a song by Joe Walsh. That is pretty much it.

Pictorial evidence would suggest that Shelley handled her drink better than I did, as I began striking drunken poses.

 

 

 

 

Neither of us remember the walk home !!

Bar Olé

I'd done a bit of research ahead of our trip to Benalmadena and discovered that, according to Trip Advisor, Bar Ole is the best bar in Benalmadena. We thought we'd best go and discover if these claims were true.

The bar is tucked away in a square slightly off the main drag called Plaza De Olé. Bar Olé describes itself as a cocktail bar and the bar's unique décor went some way to support this view..

Owner Richard from Surrey and his Hungarian born wife Annet strive to offer something different from the rest of the numerous bars in Benalmadena and the fact that we were offered a bulging drinks menu instantly put it in a different league to the standard €2 a pint San Miguel bars dotted around the resort.

I was delighted as, having initially resigned myself to a week on lager, I was offered a choice of a bottle of Old Speckled Hen or Abbot Ale. Real ale in Spain? Now that's a first. I opted for a bottle of Abbot with Shelley going for a cheeky glass of shiraz.

Owner Richard joined us for a bit, he was pleasant enough but he was a bit over confident almost bordering on the arrogant. I think he'd begun to believe the publicity that this was Benalmadena's best bar. We were almost relieved when he left us, presumably to let someone else know how great he is. I did laugh though at one comment he made before he left, he said that England had changed and is full of foreigners. Erm, lets examine the evidence Richard, you are English, living in Spain with your Hungarian wife. Senor pot and kettle !!

I will admit though that this was a really good bar, and the background music, which was laid back jazz, added to the ambience.

We stopped for a couple and moved on, presumably to the dismay of Richard, who must have gone to the Jose Mourinho school of modesty !!

Riviera Beach Club

We were aching a bit after walking the 9.5 miles from Benalmadena to Fuengirola meaning that there was no way that we were going to walk back. We decided that the bus was probably the best option but we couldn't resist a little pit stop on our way from previous pub Easy Days to the bus stop.

Riviera Beach Club was a bar situated on the beach and affiliated to the nearby Hotel Yaramar. We ordered our drinks (Shelley a bottle of Strongbow, me a pint of Cruzcampo) and settled back to enjoy the last of that days sunshine.

 

 

Although we'd slip, slop, slapped earlier our first real exposure to the sun in 2014 meant that we were both sporting a few areas of red soreness.

We didn't dare get too settled as we had no idea of either the location of the bus stop or the times of the buses but, as seasoned travellers, we don't get overly concerned about such matters. We leisurely finished off our drinks, requested la cuenta, and went in search of a bus home.

Easy Days

We walked the 9.5 miles from our Benalmadena base along the coast to Fuengirola so unsurprisingly we'd built up quite a thirst when we arrived.

Shelley's suggestion of a drink at the marina was a good one as we found a fabulous little bar with seats in the sun, which at that point was a balmy twenty seven degrees.

Draught Amstel, served in the correct receptacle, was a bargain €2 a pint proving that it's not costly on the Costa.

There was one major problem sat outside Easy Days, the television was showing the Premier Years (a season review) from the 2010/2011 season. When we arrived it was October and Blues were 13th, one place above v*lla, I knew that there was no happy ending to this story so I had to endure Blues slipping further and further down the league finishing in relegation at Spurs on the last day of the season. Only Blues could spoil things for me in Spain, in the sun, with my loved one, drinking €2 Amstel !!

There was much hilarity in the bar when a bloke on the next table to us began blowing up a huge balloon to amuse his young daughter. She kept daring him to inflate it more leading to the inevitable conclusion. When the balloon eventually burst it made an enormous bang frightening the life of the customers on the bars packed terrace.

We stopped for three relaxing pints. Easy Days certainly lived up to it's name.

Scruffy Murphy's

Final stop of our first night in Benalmadena was Irish bar Scruffy Murphy's. The effect of the jet lag (!!) and a few pints of Spanish beer mean that I have a fairly sketchy recollection of this bar. From memory I was drinking Estrella and Shelley was on Irish cider Magners, not one of her favourites so I'm not sure why she was grinning so broadly in this snap..

Time was getting on and the girl who was single handedly running the bar was packing up for the night. The task seemed quite an onerous one which included moving a forty two inch screen television.

Any plans I'd got for eating sensibly during our trip disappeared in an instant when I noticed that Istambul (sic) Donner Kebab Restaurant was a new welcome addition to the Benalmadena culinary choices so I finished off the night with the classic dish of Donner and chips.

Well, when I say finish the night off, the drama didn't quite end there. The combination of San Miguel, Estrella and lack of coordination meant that I was unable to open the door to our hotel room and I had to shamefacedly seek assistance from el security guard !!

UPDATE 24th May

We made a return visit to Scruffy Murphy's after watching the UEFA Champions League final at The Swan in Benalmeadena's Bonanza Square. The ten minute walk between the two pubs was an eventful one. The sky was lit up by fireworks presumably from jubilant Real Madrid fans, and we witnessed the bizarre sight, when we passed our hotel, of a young woman, who presumably had spent a long time at the hotel's all inclusive bar, rolling down what is known by holiday makers as Cardiac Hill. I took a photo of the hill later in our holiday for reference...

The post match celebrations from Lisbon, where the final had taken place, were being shown on the bar's television screens with confident forward Ronaldo behaving as though he had single handedly won the trophy.

We ordered our drinks (Guinness for me, Strongbow for my significant other) and took our seats.

The pub had emptied following the football. There was a lively debate on a table by us regarding Scottish independence with the red headed Glaswegian Irn Bru drinking gentleman at the heart of the debate being very much in the Yes camp.

We finished off our drinks to the sounds of Iggy Pop's Passenger and got ready for the walk back up Cardiac Hill to our hotel via the Istambul Kebab House, where Shelley, fresh from predicting the correct score in the match, was now predicting a seventh round win for Carl Froch in the big fight a few days later.

Chesters

We'd visited Chesters during our last visit to Benalmadena and I was keen to return in the hope the owner was still running the bar. He was a very dry character hailing from Erdington in Birmingham and his calling out of bingo numbers made me laugh that much that I still use his unique technique when reading out the lottery numbers to Shelley.

I was therefore delighted to discover not only was he still working there, it was bingo night !! He was just as funny as I remembered him to be as he went through his repertoire, 48 was a droopy fatty, 28 was a quacky fatty, 60 was a clicketty donut etc etc. The guy (we subsequently found out that his name is Roger) is hilarious.

The bar is a good one, Roger and his wife have sold it fairly recently to a very friendly Geordie couple who continue to employ Roger to do the bingo such is his popularity.

We pleased to discover that alcohol is still competitively priced on the Costa Del Sol with a pint of Estrella and a can of Stowford Press weighing in at a budget friendly €3.40 Based on this I have no reason why I am looking so glum and, more worryingly like my Dad, on this photo..

Toilets in Spain aren't always up to much and the loos in Chesters are no exception. The gents was one of the smallest I've ever been in, so much so that there wasn't enough room between the toilet bowl and the door for me to stand in, I had to approach the task as though I was riding side saddle to use a horse riding expression !!

We stopped for another two (half a quacky) before moving on to the next bar...

UPDATE 22nd May

Our hotel in Benalmadena was in a brilliant location evidenced by the fact that a curry house (the excellent Noor Mahal) is situated 250 metres from the hotel, noting there are five bars to break up the lengthy journey.

We decided to make a return trip to Chesters in order us to build up an appetite prior to our Asian cuisine.

I was delighted that Brummie Roger was part way through the twice weekly quiz night that he hosts. I ordered our drinks once again marvelling at the fact that a pint of Estrella and can of Stowford was just €3.40 and sat back knowing we'd be entertained.

True to form Roger was on fire, assisted by the fact that his long suffering wife, so often the butt of his jokes, was in the audience. They have a love/hate relationship, he loves to hate her, with the moment of the night being when asked question twenty three, which animal is affected by BSE? He looked over at his other half and gave her a telling snarl. Hilarious.

Bar & Mini Golf

Bar number one on our eight night visit to Benalmadena was visited around twenty minutes after we'd checked into our hotel, well, it was almost 10pm so there was no time to waste.

Bar & Mini Golf isn't your traditional pub name, but this was the name of our first watering hole, a short walk from our hotel. It did exactly what it said on the tin, it was an outdoor terrace bar at the front of a mini golf course.

After taking my first sips of ice cold San Miguel served in a frosted glass I instantly began to unwind..

..and Shelley on Strongbow felt exactly the same..

Although there were only four other people in the bar it was great starting point, a choice made by Shelley. I'm not sure she trusted me to choose the first pub as during our last visit to Benalmadena I picked the first bar and it turned out to be a very seedy lap dancing club !!

Our visit got better, not only were we treated to free tapas, (well, when I say tapas I am exaggerating slightly it was a small dish of salted peanuts) over the bar's sound system came the distinctive sound of AC/DC.

We stopped for pint number dos and tres !!

UPDATE 19th May

It's always good to find a bar that you can class as your 'local' when you are on your holidays and Bar and Mini Golf soon became our local.

Visit number two occurred during the journey from Benalmadena train station to our hotel. We had intended to get the bus back from Fuengirola to Benalmadena but we stumbled (not literally) across the train station while attempting to find the bus stop.

We managed to get the prime location at the front of the bar and enjoyed the following view..

The bar was competitively priced though I couldn't help notice the Wetherspoons style offer of a round of mini golf, a baguette and a bar for just €7.50. El bargaino !!

UPDATE 25th May

As we were parched following our walk from Benalmadena to Torremolinos and back (which included bumping into my work colleague Graham who was sat in a bar having a pint whilst competing in a sponsored walk) we decided as it was 1.45pm then it was beer o'clock, so what could be better than a pint sat outdoors of our local Bar & Mini Golf?

I was on the San Miguel and Shelley was on the Coronita in temperatures of twenty seven degrees, made even better with the knowledge that it was raining back at home.

 

 

We moved to the back of the terrace, and it soon became obvious that we were settled....

However, there was a problem, lack of Euros, I made a dash back to our hotel room to replenish funds as I had a feeling that we were at the start of an all dayer.

We quickly saw off pints one, two, three, four and five. Well, it is important to stay hydrated in the heat !!

Castle Rock Tap Room & Kitchen

After enjoying a short break last year in Benalmadena on the Costa Del Sol we decided on a return visit this year for a cheap, hassle free break for eight nights in the sunshine.

East Midlands Airport is the most convenient from our Tamworth base so we arrived there in plenty of time for our flight to Malaga, it was a good job, I nearly hyper ventilated when I realised that our cabin bags were packed in such a way that they were too big to go in the overhead lockers, I knew I didn't need all those pairs of underpants !! Luckily Shelley performed a quick repack and we were good to go...I needed a drink !!

East Midlands Airport is currently undergoing a £12 million refit and one new addition is the Castle Rock Tap Room and Kitchen and our view is that it is money well spent. It is a plush modern looking bar which pleasingly stocked a real ale, the very pleasant Castle Rock Harvest Pale.

Shelley was also well catered for with the seldom seem Sommersby cider being her drink of choice.

The fact that our gate had already opened meant that it was only a one pint visit but it was a great start to our holiday. We left to sounds of The Smiths playing over the bar's sound system to send us cheerfully on our way to Spain.

Northfield C*nservative Club

Whilst football wise I'm blue, politically I have always been red so it was somewhat of a surprise that I found myself frequenting the Northfield C*nservative Club, particularly as I had to pay £2.50 for the privilege !!

The reason for our visit was to meet up with friends Jimmy, Sharon, Lou and Dave and what could be a better reason for meeting up than some live music, an Elvis tribute act. Elvis was in the building when we arrived going through a sound check and initial indications weren't great, he didn't look like him and didn't particularly sound like him but in his defence he was only warming up, I'm sure he'd be fine when he was doing it for real.

The selection of beers was disappointing, no real ale so I went onto Stella Artois. It was only Stella 4 rather than the full strength stuff so Shelley would only be getting a gentle slap rather than a beating !!

We catch up with both couples every few months so we swapped stories and watched Jimmy make hard work of creating his own Mickey Mouse (half a lager, half a bitter) as time after time he ended up with beer frothing up and escaping from his pint glass.

At times I had to do a bit of a double take as here I was in a C*nservative club sat next to v*lla fan Sharon. I made a mental note to myself not have too many Stella 4's as there was a danger than I might go hunting for a picture of Maggie Th*tcher to deface !!

Jimmy's drink wasn't the only spillage that night, the busty barmaid bent over to talk to Sharon and virtually fell out of her top. I nearly ended up with four black eyes, two from being hit in both eyes by her ample charms, and two more from Shelley for looking !!

Somewhat predictably when Elvis eventually did get going he was dreadful. I was going to fill up this blog with bad Elvis related puns but after discovering that he was only nineteen years of age I told myself Don't Be Cruel !!

The first half of the act was dominated by Elvis's early material and we all winced as he proceeded to destroy classic after classic dressed in his '68 comeback special suit with his bored mate providing musical accompaniment, er okay, he selected the backing tracks on his laptop !!

For the second half of his act he remerged with a change of outfit, he was now sporting a Las Vegas style jumpsuit.

The last time that there was something dressed all in white showing this little talent was me attempting to bowl on Bank Holiday Monday at Alvechurch !!

Amazingly his proud gran was filming the entire performance for posterity on her Ipad. Fair play to the old lady though for being able to operate such a technical device, my technophobe mother has trouble changing channels with the tv remote !!

Scarf wars nearly broke out part way through his act as Elvis wandered into the sparse crowd handing out scarves, Sharon's mate got one but Sharon missed out. We soon discovered why, Sharon's friend used to be Elvis's dinner lady at school so presumably fed him lots of burgers !!

We left before Elvis had left the building and couldn't help feeling that at £2.50 each we'd been done !!

Pure Bar & Kitchen

A new pub is very much a rarity these days so I had a sense of anticipation before entering a new addition to the Birmingham city centre pub scene, Pure Bar and Kitchen.

Situated just off Victoria Square, and in full view of where Blues's Vince Overson held aloft the Leyland Daf trophy to the heaving masses of jubilant Birmingham City supporters (including myself and sister Karen) back in 1991, the bar is in a prime location.

I'd arranged to meet my long time mate Gaz in there on his recommendation and what a fine suggestion it was, mind you I must admit I wasn't exactly looking forward to meeting up with my old school friend seeing as a few days earlier he'd took a return catch off his own bowling to take my prize scalp at the Dave Dixon memorial cricket match at Alvechurch. He'll be dining out on that for years trust me !!

The pub is a great one, a fairly spacious open plan area, which must get packed with post work drinkers on a Friday night, surrounded by informal benches and more formal tables for diners. The kitchen is very much open and on view to the point of it forming an integral part of the pub.

The beer selection is very very impressive which I guess is no more than you would expect from a pub run by Purity, an independent Warwickshire based brewery. I chose a pint of their very own Purity UBU from the choice of drinks displayed on a blackboard behind the bar. Be warned, some of the prices aren't for the faint hearted (there are several pints over the £5 mark) but the UBU at £4.20 was a bit more bearable.

Food does feature prominently during a visit to the pub with people either snacking, pickled eggs, pork pies and sausage rolls are available behind the bar, or sitting down eating. The sit down meals are what Gaz perceptively described as 'rustic with a modern twist', chips on a cutting board with a thick slice of doorstep bread and butter, cheese platters, chips served in tin cups etc.

Getting served is a bit of an issue in the pub, not because there aren't enough bar staff, more because there is a huge eye level pipe that runs the length of the middle section of the bar so it is impossible to try and catch the eye of the bar staff.

It would be churlish to moan about such irritations however as this is a very good pub, and Gary and I were having no problem knocking back a few pints of UBU ignoring the fact that it was a school night.

Even a trip to the downstairs toilet is a bit of an adventure, there are a couple of mysterious rooms..

 

 

...and, when you do eventually find the loo it is a bit of a guessing game as there are no signs on the doors to distinguish the men's and women's toilets. So, you've got to ask yourself a question, Hops are better or Malt is sweet? You decide...

Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?!!

UPDATE 27th May

We returned home, after eight fabulous nights in Benalmadena, on the Monday night and, as we were still off, decided that a trip into Brum the next day would be a good idea.

Our first calling point was Pure Bar & Kitchen. I was very impressed with it on my first visit and felt  that Shelley would like it so, as it was near our arrival point of New St station it seemed like a great place to start.

On route to the pub we passed the Embarrassing Bodies tv truck where live filming was taking place. We could just see into the waiting room which presumably contained patients more than happy to show their haemorrhoids to the millions watching on tv. Why would you?!!

I was right, Shelley loved Pure Bar and Kitchen, 'this my kind of place' was her enthusiastic review, stating that she wished it was located in Tamworth.

It was just after 2pm when we arrived so it was emptying of lunchtime drinkers, I therefore had little difficulty ordering my pint of Purity UBU and a cider for Shelley the name of which escapes me which is a shame as she loved it.

I've stated before that it is a bit pricey but it's well worth it, Shelley's cider (number seven from the selection board) was a fiver a pint but as it was so lovely and at 6% ABV the price didn't seem unreasonable.

Shelley was that impressed that she suggested that we stop for another and returned not only with more drinks but also with some snacks, pork scratchings, spicy nuts (sounds like a complaint that could be dealt with at the Embarrassing Bodies truck) and chilli sausage roll. Quality.

We would have happily stated there all afternoon but decided to do a bit more exploring.

UPDATE 12th December

Now, I wish to stress that I am by no means an Ebenezer Scrooge type character, but the festive season makes life difficult for people that don't limit their alcoholic beverage consumption to one month a year.

A perfect example of the issues that Christmas causes came when I had arranged to meet long term friends Gaz, Shaun, Rich and Simon for a few beers in town two Fridays before the big day.

We were due to meet in Pure Bar and Kitchen at 6.30pm which in hindsight was probably a bad move. Town was full of post work drinkers (many of whom were on Christmas do's), Christmas shoppers and visitors to the Frankfurt Christmas market.

I was subjected to the humiliation of having to queue to get into the pub. I was told by the bouncer (or are they called door supervisors these days?!!) that as the place was full they were adopting a one in one out policy so I had to wait for someone to leave before I could go in. Where are these people in March?!!

In all honesty I was pleasantly surprised how empty the place was when I eventually gained entry, there was obviously a sensible capacity agreed so getting served to fabulous pints of Purity UBU was a seamless task, and we even managed to bag a seat for a while.

Obtaining a seat wasn't necessarily a bad thing given the advancing years of us all, so much so it was like listening to the script from an episode of Casualty !! My chums were suffering from all manner of different ailments. Thankfully, bar a bit of flatulence (brought on by over indulgence on bottles of real ale at home the previous evening), I was in fairly good health. Sorry, was that too much information?!!

I waited for Simon to arrive before taking the obligatory snap..

...(with apologies to Rich and Shaun for the overpowering flash !!).

Excuses for lateness that made mention of his wife and daughter going to see The Nutcracker suggested that Simon was the arty to my farty !!

After a few pints I wished the boys a Merry Christmas before making my way home earlier than I would have liked as I knew that I had to negotiate my way through the Christmas crowd control system at New St station.

No Roy Wood, I'm sorry but I do NOT wish it could be Christmas every day !!